Just wanted to record a few random memories of things the kids are saying at the moment (so I don't forget them!)
Sarah
* Her teachers are Biss Nikki, Biss Shelf (Miss Rochelle!)
* I love you five!
Emily
* Talking about how babies come out. I kept trying to explain without 'exact' details but she kept asking over and over again "but where do they actually come out?" So I told her. She looked at me puzzled and asked, "does it hurt?" I told her "a little but then you hold your little baby and it is all better" She looked at me with her little face scrunched up on one side and said "I am SO not ever having babies" LOL!
Sarah and Emily
Playing together ALL THE TIME! Sarah is going to miss Emily so much next year when she goes to school. They play "Babies" where usually Emily is the Mum and Sarah is the baby (occasionally they swap). It's so nice hearing them play and I realise I must be an OK Mum by the way they act and talk to their baby (lots of "darling, sweetheart, kisses, hugs and I love yous). They also play Kindy where Sarah is the Kindy Kid and Emily is the teacher (gee some of the kids in her class get in trouble a lot though LOL!) They play in the cubby a lot and have races in the Cozy Coupe car and the motorbike. They are such good friends!
Matthew
* "Oh that is lame"
* Steve, Matthew and I were watching TV this week and ANOTHER election ad came on. He stood up and looked at us and went off.....
"I am so sick of all of htese ads and I am sick of them picking on John Howard. He is trying his best. They keep blaming him for climate change but if people looked after water and turned lights off and looked after our planet then we wouldn't have to worry about climate change. But people do bad things and then blame John Howard. And work choices, well people need to work hard and then their bosses would want them to work and they wouldn't have to worry about work choices and not having a job. But nope, they blame John Howard. And how does Kevin Rudd think he'll do a better job? He might do a better job, but he might not. Why don't they try to fix things and not just come on TV and say how bad the other person is. That's not nice and bet they don't like it when people are mean about them so why be mean about each other......"
He continued on his soapbox for a bit longer while Steve and I just looked at each other and stifled our laughter! He was so passionate and 7!!! I don't think I even knew who the PM was at 7 let alone have an opinion on who to vote for. And for the record, it hasn't come from us. He watches the 5pm news most nights. When Kevin Rudd first became Labor leader, Matthew really liked him and kept suggesting I vote for him but he's been weighing up the argument and I think he's leaning towards John Howard now.
I've just called him in and asked him and for those still undecided about who to vote for, this is Matthew's opinion:
"Well I'd want to vote for both of them for different reasons. John Howard is being pushed around and people are being mean and that's not fair so I'd vote for him for that reason and because he's been doing OK. But I'd vote for Kevin Rudd because I don't want Peter Costello to be our Prime Minister so I'd choose him"
Hmmm....OK so I'm still undecided so I'll consult Matthew again....
I've told him you can only pick one so who would you pick? Amswer: Kevin Rudd because I really don't like Peter Costello!
LOL! I wonder if we'll see him in the future as a political correspondant or maybe in parliament himself?!?!
Anyway, in my usual style the little post I had intended to make has morphed into a huge story LOL!
Keep smiling (only 1 week until the election ads are finished LOL!)
Trish
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Lots going on.....
Scrapbook City had their first Awards night on Saturday night. It's the weirdest feeling being so excited about meeting people for the first time that you already know so well. They have moved into a new shop which looks absolutely amazing!!! Leisa and Kerri put on a great night! They should be so proud of what they have created with Scrapbook City, although I am still working on getting them to open a northside branch ;)
So here we all are:
How gorgeous are we!!! LOL! Thanks Katie for the photo!! :D
I got to catch up with Sue (toby) again who deservedly won the Heritage section. My goodness I love her stuff!
I got to meet Kathy for the first time and you know sometimes you meet someone and think, now that is my kind of person, well Kathy is definitely my kind of person. She is happy and nice and friendly and funny and talks heaps LOL! After all of our games on the Scrapbook City forum, I was really looking forward to meeting her. I also wanted to make sure that she knew I am insane and my comments are always made with a smile! That's the hard thing about forums and internet communication, you lose the other parts of communication that help communicate meaning so sometimes I have to wonder if people think I am weird! LOL! Luckily Kathy has understood what I have meant in my posts although she probably still thinks I am weird! LOL!
Got to see Linda again. Linda is just the sweetest and happiest person and another person that is just a pleasure to be around. Although apparently she wasn't so impressed by my Magic Vending Machine Gift of 1 month's free baby sitting by Brittney Spears. LOL! Go figure!?!?
Jen is exactly like I had pictured her to be - another fun lady!! I was so thrilled that she won the Pet Layout Award. She had created the most gorgeous layout of her little buddy, (Mr Birdles) who had sadly passed away the day she did the layout. Everyone had tears in their eyes when she gave her speech.
Everyone is just so darn nice! Niss, Sue, Katie, Debbie, Ronnie, it was so good to put faces to names and get to kow them a bit better.
It was such a lovely night and I was so excited (and hugely shocked!) to win 2 categories - Freestyle (won a MM tote!!!!) and Monthly Competition Categories (won a K&Co Album pack) and we got little trophies too which are pretty cool! These are the layouts:
{my} BOY - for the Scrapbook City Monthly Competition Winners Category. This kit was divine!!!
Journalling reads:
"I can still remember when you were born and the midwife announced that we had a son. I was thrilled but I remember thinking…A Boy?? But I don’t know what to do with a boy?” I was thinking of all the typical boy things…climbing, falling, getting dirty, bruises, pulling things apart, swallowing random objects, playing with cars and trucks, mud, funny bodily functions, loud, sweaty, smelly, playing ‘Superman’, trips to the emergency room, calls to poison information, walking on the roof, finding obscure places to put things, smelly, snips and snails and puppy dog tails….All very stereotypical I suppose, but that is what I was expecting with a son.
BUT you are NOT a ‘typical’ boy! We never childproofed with you, you’ve never swallowed anything weird, you don’t like or play with cars, trucks, superheroes or other “boy” toys. You never pull things apart, climb places you shouldn’t, you’ve had very few bruises and cuts. You are careful, safe, a worrier and we often joke you’ll have an ulcer by age 10! You may not be a stereotypical “boy” but you are MY boy and I love you just the way you are. {heart} Mum xo."
And Scrapbooking Memories have accepted it for publication too which is pretty darn exciting!!
And "this girl has SPUNK" for the Scrapbook City Freestyle Artist Category.
This is not a category I would have ever thought I would have won LOL! I am usually so straight and linear and tidy in my scrapping. Everything gets measured and is straight but I enjoyed creating this laout soooo much. I made myslef do it quickly and just stick it down ie no time to move stuff and doubt what I was doing. I decided that if something ended up looking silly or in the wrong place then I would just keep adding stuff until it looked OK! LOL! Might have to use this technique more often, it certainly got the page done quicker than normal!
Here are all of the winners for the night:
Category 1: Scrapbook City Photography on a layout Award = "Flamingos" - Trackster
Category 2: Most Compelling Journalling Award = "Life's Journey" – Brendy
Category 3: Scrapbook City BTP Award = "Altered Watering Can" – Terri
Category 4: Scrapbook City Digital Layout Award "Mum & Dad Satisfied" - Scrappy_nat
Category 5: Scrapbook City Colour Artist = "Agnes" - Lauren Rhodes
Category 6: Scrapbook City Freestyle Artist = "This Girl has got Spunk" - Tish
Category 7: Scrapbook City Outstanding BOM Layout = "I am what I am" - Trudi
Category 8: Scrapbook City Outstanding Boy Layout = "Rockstar" - Niss
Category 9: Scrapbook City Outstanding Girl Layout = "Beautiful" - Loulou
Category 10: Scrapbook City Outstanding Baby Layout = "3445 grams" - Madscrapbooker
Category 11: Scrapbook City Outstanding Family Layout = "Suddenly" – Kezzie
Category 12: Scrapbook City Outstanding Non-Person Layout = "Lit Chic" - Gigi
Category 13: Scrapbook City Outstanding Pet Layout = "My Little Buddy" - Jen
Category 14: Scrapbook City Outstanding Heritage Layout = "Shirley & Elve" – toby
Category 15: Scrapbook City Outstanding Holiday Layout = "Distant Dreams" - Ronnie
Category 16: Scrapbook City Outstanding Double Page Layout = "Christmas Pressies" - Ronnie
Category 17: Scrapbook City Outstanding Card = "Thinking of Scallops" - KathyJ
Category 18: Scrapbook City Outstanding Photography (not on layout) = "Dragonfly on a Waterlily" - Laraine McIntosh
Category 19: City Cybercrop Champion = "Beauty" - Tracy Firth
Category 20: Monthly Competition Winner = "My Boy" - Trish
Congratulations to all the winners and finalists. Amazing job by everyone!
After the Awards Night Tam and I went and had a quiet drink at the Monier Hotel. It was SOOOOOO nice to sit and chat without kids. We love our kids but I can't remember the last time we could chat without worrying about fights, food, kids getting in to things they shouldn't, wiping bottoms, drinks etc etc while trying to hold a conversation! The joke used to always be "you shit me but I love ya" (meant in an endearing way of course. I started saying it when she was "an annoying teen of 13" and I was an "oh so mature 17 year old"!! LOL!) Tam, you don't shit me at all anymore, I just love ya to bits!! It was so nice to spend the time together and have Sunday morning together too!
Here are a few more layouts I have done lately:
Willing To Try was also for the SBC Monthly Kit Competition (did I mention I loved this kit!!!)
Journalling reads:
Emily, I love the fact that you give things a go. Whether it be different food (for example prawns) or trying something new. This day I remembered being at preschool and being too scared to go down the firemans pole. It took me until my last day to really try, yet here you are, just started preschool ad you gave it a try. I'm so proud of you and how you will "give it a go".
Scrapbooking Memories have also accepted this one for publication which I was pretty excited about too.
Emily is thrilled that she's going to be in the "mazagine" again but now that she is going to be in there and Matthew too she wants me to tell the "mazagine" that they need to put Sarah in there too or Sarah will be sad. How sweet is she!!!
This was also for the Kit Comp. The journalling is pretty honest and a little heavy. I really struggled with Emily from when she was 2 years old until earlier this year. We've had a bumpy few years but now we get along so well and things are fabulous between us. I have wanted to do a layout on this for ages so I am glad I finally have. Here's the journalling if you want to read it:
Verse from a Barbara Streisand song "Clear Sailing" (which I did a modern ballet solo to for many years) is in top left hand corner -
"Now I look into your eyes
The colour of a quiet sea
Cast my love upon the tide
Watch it return to me
Now I'm feeling fine
I can tell the storm has passed
For the last time
It's gonna be clear sailing
From now on. "
Emily, the verse from this song says exactly how I feel now. To be honest, it’s been a long bumpy road for you & I. It began when you were about 2. At the time, I put it all down to the “terrible 2’s” & you trying to assert your independence & be your own person.
At first you would just be defiant & stubborn & throw tantrums & I’d do the best I knew how to do to work through it. But it got worse & to be honest with you, I didn’t know how to handle it. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me as a mum. Dad didn’t have the same troubles, no matter what he asked you to do; you did without question, so I started to think that it must be me. You would fly off the handle so easily, you would defy every little thing I asked. It didn’t matter how I tried to handle the situation…I tried being extremely nice, praising you when you were good, I tried smacking you, putting you on the ‘thinking step’ (actually you virtually lived on that step for a long time), I tried ignoring your behaviour, I broke down in tears in front of you many times, I yelled, I ranted, I raved, I took deep breathes & calmly tried to reason with you…no matter what, nothing worked. Your kindy teachers were always telling me what a gorgeous young girl you were & how well behaved you were so then I knew it wasn’t you, & started blaming myself more & more. I started to think that maybe you & I would never get along. It broke my heart. When I was pregnant & found out that you were a girl, I was so exited. I was elated - I always dreamed of having a daughter. But this wasn’t how I had imagined it to be. Part of me was so happy that you had so much spark & independence & that you knew how to stand up for yourself. But it really started to get to me, I got more & more depressed, kept blaming myself for whatever it was that should have been between us & just wasn’t. I absolutely hate to admit it now, but I didn’t enjoy being with you at all. The thing is, I know that you weren’t enjoying being with me either & I don’t blame you, I wasn’t fun to be with.
In July 2006, Dad realised that I needed to get away & sort myself out & organised for me to go away for a week by myself. During my week away, I thought so much about where I was at & so much about you & what was going wrong. I started to really think about why & this is what I believe contributed to the situation…
Matthew had been diagnosed with Diabetes in April 2004 when you were just 18 months old. I cannot begin to explain how that rocked my world. I did my absolute best to keep it all together, stay positive, to learn as much about it as I could. Then Sarah was born in May 2005. Poppy got really sick. There was a lot going on! I think back now & realise how it must have felt for you. Sarah was being breastfed so was always with me. Matthew was still adjusting to life with Diabetes, as was I, & I was trying my hardest to make everything positive for him. You didn’t need me in the same way as the others did. I mean I know you needed me but you didn’t need me physically like they did. Sarah needed me to feed her, change her, do everything for her. Matthew needed me to test him, give him injections, correct hypos etc etc. I now realise that I was barely coping & because you didn’t need me physically, I wasn’t doing as much physically with you. I think you were trying to tell me that you were there too & that you needed me too. You couldn’t say it in words so you used tantrums, fights & bad behaviour. I think in your eyes bad attention from me was better than the limited attention that you thought you were getting. Don’t get me wrong, I was still there for you & I kept telling you how much I loved you. I never stopped loving you! Never ever think that! I adore you, I always have & I always will, through both the good & the bad times.
Anyway, my week away didn’t immediately solve the problem. We had a lot to work through. I had a lot to work through. My biggest realization during that week was that I was angry about Diabetes coming in to our lives. I hate it & I have hated it ever since the doctor first mentioned the word. I hate that it has brought needles & testing into our lives, I hate that it makes us clock watch all of the time. I hate that it has made Matthew have to accept more responsibility than he should have to at his age. I hate that it has made you take on extra responsibility that you should never have had to either. I hate what it did to me. I hate that it turned me into such an angry person. I was trying to stay positive to convince myself & all of us that we could deal with this in our family when all I wanted to do was scream that I hated it. & so, nearly 3 years after it came into our lives, I finally cried & cried about it & admitted how much I hated it. I also realised how much anger I had stored up. But my most devastating realisation was what it had done to you & I.
I came back from my week away intent on making things between us right. I knew that it would probably get worse before it got better (& it did!) I knew that I had to crack down on your behaviour, to gain your respect & make you realise that I was the boss. I also knew that I had to make you realise how much I love you & what an important part of our family you are. & then earlier this year, we were talking & I said “I love you so much, you are such an important part of our family”. You stopped, looked at me & said “you love me like you love Matthew & Sarah, don’t you.” It was almost like you needed confirmation, that you were starting to believe it but needed the reassurance that it was true. “Yes sweetheart I love you just as much as I love Matthew & Sarah. I love all of you exactly the same – up to the moon, around the stars & back again”. & it’s true, I do! We’re good friends, just like I had always dreamed!
I suppose I could have left all of this unsaid. I am sure you won’t remember any of it so I could have left it out of your life story but I have chosen to tell you for quite a few reasons. Firstly, I want you to know all of this for when you have your own children. Maybe you will go through something similar, maybe you won’t, but if you do, I want you to know that its not always clear sailing & sometimes you have to work hard for what you love. Secondly, I want you to always know how important you are to me. I love you so much Milly. You put a smile on my face & I am so glad to be your mum. I am so proud of the person you are & I don’t think you will ever fully realise how much I appreciate the relationship we have now. So as I said, the verse to this song seems so appropriate. I look into your big blue eyes, give you my love & feel it returned to me. Now I feel fine, I can tell the storm has passed. It’s going to be clear sailing from now on.
{heart} Mum xoxo
This was for Challenge 1 in the last SBC Cybercrop. Based on a sketch but I didn't upload in time. I lay down with Steve and woke up at 7am the next morning! Getting old huh!!!
Journalling:
Sarah you are or 3rd child - my last baby! I am trying to enjoy every minute, and with you, that's not hard to do. Love Mum"
You can't really tell in the photo but there are little dots made with Dimensional Magic all around the outside of the layout and around the circle.
This one was done for Friday Night Games at Embellished a few weeks ago. The challenge was it had to be themed around "The Simple Things". I won it that week and got a $20 voucher which was brilliant!!!
Journalling is under the flowers and reads:
"There are 1000's of $'s worth of toys here but you got so much enjoyment out of a box - Hours of fun making it a car, a house, lots of things. Pleasure from the simplicity of a box. Sarah, 2007."
Well that's about it I think. This sure is one super-post though!
Keep smiling,
Trish
So here we all are:
How gorgeous are we!!! LOL! Thanks Katie for the photo!! :D
I got to catch up with Sue (toby) again who deservedly won the Heritage section. My goodness I love her stuff!
I got to meet Kathy for the first time and you know sometimes you meet someone and think, now that is my kind of person, well Kathy is definitely my kind of person. She is happy and nice and friendly and funny and talks heaps LOL! After all of our games on the Scrapbook City forum, I was really looking forward to meeting her. I also wanted to make sure that she knew I am insane and my comments are always made with a smile! That's the hard thing about forums and internet communication, you lose the other parts of communication that help communicate meaning so sometimes I have to wonder if people think I am weird! LOL! Luckily Kathy has understood what I have meant in my posts although she probably still thinks I am weird! LOL!
Got to see Linda again. Linda is just the sweetest and happiest person and another person that is just a pleasure to be around. Although apparently she wasn't so impressed by my Magic Vending Machine Gift of 1 month's free baby sitting by Brittney Spears. LOL! Go figure!?!?
Jen is exactly like I had pictured her to be - another fun lady!! I was so thrilled that she won the Pet Layout Award. She had created the most gorgeous layout of her little buddy, (Mr Birdles) who had sadly passed away the day she did the layout. Everyone had tears in their eyes when she gave her speech.
Everyone is just so darn nice! Niss, Sue, Katie, Debbie, Ronnie, it was so good to put faces to names and get to kow them a bit better.
It was such a lovely night and I was so excited (and hugely shocked!) to win 2 categories - Freestyle (won a MM tote!!!!) and Monthly Competition Categories (won a K&Co Album pack) and we got little trophies too which are pretty cool! These are the layouts:
{my} BOY - for the Scrapbook City Monthly Competition Winners Category. This kit was divine!!!
Journalling reads:
"I can still remember when you were born and the midwife announced that we had a son. I was thrilled but I remember thinking…A Boy?? But I don’t know what to do with a boy?” I was thinking of all the typical boy things…climbing, falling, getting dirty, bruises, pulling things apart, swallowing random objects, playing with cars and trucks, mud, funny bodily functions, loud, sweaty, smelly, playing ‘Superman’, trips to the emergency room, calls to poison information, walking on the roof, finding obscure places to put things, smelly, snips and snails and puppy dog tails….All very stereotypical I suppose, but that is what I was expecting with a son.
BUT you are NOT a ‘typical’ boy! We never childproofed with you, you’ve never swallowed anything weird, you don’t like or play with cars, trucks, superheroes or other “boy” toys. You never pull things apart, climb places you shouldn’t, you’ve had very few bruises and cuts. You are careful, safe, a worrier and we often joke you’ll have an ulcer by age 10! You may not be a stereotypical “boy” but you are MY boy and I love you just the way you are. {heart} Mum xo."
And Scrapbooking Memories have accepted it for publication too which is pretty darn exciting!!
And "this girl has SPUNK" for the Scrapbook City Freestyle Artist Category.
This is not a category I would have ever thought I would have won LOL! I am usually so straight and linear and tidy in my scrapping. Everything gets measured and is straight but I enjoyed creating this laout soooo much. I made myslef do it quickly and just stick it down ie no time to move stuff and doubt what I was doing. I decided that if something ended up looking silly or in the wrong place then I would just keep adding stuff until it looked OK! LOL! Might have to use this technique more often, it certainly got the page done quicker than normal!
Here are all of the winners for the night:
Category 1: Scrapbook City Photography on a layout Award = "Flamingos" - Trackster
Category 2: Most Compelling Journalling Award = "Life's Journey" – Brendy
Category 3: Scrapbook City BTP Award = "Altered Watering Can" – Terri
Category 4: Scrapbook City Digital Layout Award "Mum & Dad Satisfied" - Scrappy_nat
Category 5: Scrapbook City Colour Artist = "Agnes" - Lauren Rhodes
Category 6: Scrapbook City Freestyle Artist = "This Girl has got Spunk" - Tish
Category 7: Scrapbook City Outstanding BOM Layout = "I am what I am" - Trudi
Category 8: Scrapbook City Outstanding Boy Layout = "Rockstar" - Niss
Category 9: Scrapbook City Outstanding Girl Layout = "Beautiful" - Loulou
Category 10: Scrapbook City Outstanding Baby Layout = "3445 grams" - Madscrapbooker
Category 11: Scrapbook City Outstanding Family Layout = "Suddenly" – Kezzie
Category 12: Scrapbook City Outstanding Non-Person Layout = "Lit Chic" - Gigi
Category 13: Scrapbook City Outstanding Pet Layout = "My Little Buddy" - Jen
Category 14: Scrapbook City Outstanding Heritage Layout = "Shirley & Elve" – toby
Category 15: Scrapbook City Outstanding Holiday Layout = "Distant Dreams" - Ronnie
Category 16: Scrapbook City Outstanding Double Page Layout = "Christmas Pressies" - Ronnie
Category 17: Scrapbook City Outstanding Card = "Thinking of Scallops" - KathyJ
Category 18: Scrapbook City Outstanding Photography (not on layout) = "Dragonfly on a Waterlily" - Laraine McIntosh
Category 19: City Cybercrop Champion = "Beauty" - Tracy Firth
Category 20: Monthly Competition Winner = "My Boy" - Trish
Congratulations to all the winners and finalists. Amazing job by everyone!
After the Awards Night Tam and I went and had a quiet drink at the Monier Hotel. It was SOOOOOO nice to sit and chat without kids. We love our kids but I can't remember the last time we could chat without worrying about fights, food, kids getting in to things they shouldn't, wiping bottoms, drinks etc etc while trying to hold a conversation! The joke used to always be "you shit me but I love ya" (meant in an endearing way of course. I started saying it when she was "an annoying teen of 13" and I was an "oh so mature 17 year old"!! LOL!) Tam, you don't shit me at all anymore, I just love ya to bits!! It was so nice to spend the time together and have Sunday morning together too!
Here are a few more layouts I have done lately:
Willing To Try was also for the SBC Monthly Kit Competition (did I mention I loved this kit!!!)
Journalling reads:
Emily, I love the fact that you give things a go. Whether it be different food (for example prawns) or trying something new. This day I remembered being at preschool and being too scared to go down the firemans pole. It took me until my last day to really try, yet here you are, just started preschool ad you gave it a try. I'm so proud of you and how you will "give it a go".
Scrapbooking Memories have also accepted this one for publication which I was pretty excited about too.
Emily is thrilled that she's going to be in the "mazagine" again but now that she is going to be in there and Matthew too she wants me to tell the "mazagine" that they need to put Sarah in there too or Sarah will be sad. How sweet is she!!!
This was also for the Kit Comp. The journalling is pretty honest and a little heavy. I really struggled with Emily from when she was 2 years old until earlier this year. We've had a bumpy few years but now we get along so well and things are fabulous between us. I have wanted to do a layout on this for ages so I am glad I finally have. Here's the journalling if you want to read it:
Verse from a Barbara Streisand song "Clear Sailing" (which I did a modern ballet solo to for many years) is in top left hand corner -
"Now I look into your eyes
The colour of a quiet sea
Cast my love upon the tide
Watch it return to me
Now I'm feeling fine
I can tell the storm has passed
For the last time
It's gonna be clear sailing
From now on. "
Emily, the verse from this song says exactly how I feel now. To be honest, it’s been a long bumpy road for you & I. It began when you were about 2. At the time, I put it all down to the “terrible 2’s” & you trying to assert your independence & be your own person.
At first you would just be defiant & stubborn & throw tantrums & I’d do the best I knew how to do to work through it. But it got worse & to be honest with you, I didn’t know how to handle it. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me as a mum. Dad didn’t have the same troubles, no matter what he asked you to do; you did without question, so I started to think that it must be me. You would fly off the handle so easily, you would defy every little thing I asked. It didn’t matter how I tried to handle the situation…I tried being extremely nice, praising you when you were good, I tried smacking you, putting you on the ‘thinking step’ (actually you virtually lived on that step for a long time), I tried ignoring your behaviour, I broke down in tears in front of you many times, I yelled, I ranted, I raved, I took deep breathes & calmly tried to reason with you…no matter what, nothing worked. Your kindy teachers were always telling me what a gorgeous young girl you were & how well behaved you were so then I knew it wasn’t you, & started blaming myself more & more. I started to think that maybe you & I would never get along. It broke my heart. When I was pregnant & found out that you were a girl, I was so exited. I was elated - I always dreamed of having a daughter. But this wasn’t how I had imagined it to be. Part of me was so happy that you had so much spark & independence & that you knew how to stand up for yourself. But it really started to get to me, I got more & more depressed, kept blaming myself for whatever it was that should have been between us & just wasn’t. I absolutely hate to admit it now, but I didn’t enjoy being with you at all. The thing is, I know that you weren’t enjoying being with me either & I don’t blame you, I wasn’t fun to be with.
In July 2006, Dad realised that I needed to get away & sort myself out & organised for me to go away for a week by myself. During my week away, I thought so much about where I was at & so much about you & what was going wrong. I started to really think about why & this is what I believe contributed to the situation…
Matthew had been diagnosed with Diabetes in April 2004 when you were just 18 months old. I cannot begin to explain how that rocked my world. I did my absolute best to keep it all together, stay positive, to learn as much about it as I could. Then Sarah was born in May 2005. Poppy got really sick. There was a lot going on! I think back now & realise how it must have felt for you. Sarah was being breastfed so was always with me. Matthew was still adjusting to life with Diabetes, as was I, & I was trying my hardest to make everything positive for him. You didn’t need me in the same way as the others did. I mean I know you needed me but you didn’t need me physically like they did. Sarah needed me to feed her, change her, do everything for her. Matthew needed me to test him, give him injections, correct hypos etc etc. I now realise that I was barely coping & because you didn’t need me physically, I wasn’t doing as much physically with you. I think you were trying to tell me that you were there too & that you needed me too. You couldn’t say it in words so you used tantrums, fights & bad behaviour. I think in your eyes bad attention from me was better than the limited attention that you thought you were getting. Don’t get me wrong, I was still there for you & I kept telling you how much I loved you. I never stopped loving you! Never ever think that! I adore you, I always have & I always will, through both the good & the bad times.
Anyway, my week away didn’t immediately solve the problem. We had a lot to work through. I had a lot to work through. My biggest realization during that week was that I was angry about Diabetes coming in to our lives. I hate it & I have hated it ever since the doctor first mentioned the word. I hate that it has brought needles & testing into our lives, I hate that it makes us clock watch all of the time. I hate that it has made Matthew have to accept more responsibility than he should have to at his age. I hate that it has made you take on extra responsibility that you should never have had to either. I hate what it did to me. I hate that it turned me into such an angry person. I was trying to stay positive to convince myself & all of us that we could deal with this in our family when all I wanted to do was scream that I hated it. & so, nearly 3 years after it came into our lives, I finally cried & cried about it & admitted how much I hated it. I also realised how much anger I had stored up. But my most devastating realisation was what it had done to you & I.
I came back from my week away intent on making things between us right. I knew that it would probably get worse before it got better (& it did!) I knew that I had to crack down on your behaviour, to gain your respect & make you realise that I was the boss. I also knew that I had to make you realise how much I love you & what an important part of our family you are. & then earlier this year, we were talking & I said “I love you so much, you are such an important part of our family”. You stopped, looked at me & said “you love me like you love Matthew & Sarah, don’t you.” It was almost like you needed confirmation, that you were starting to believe it but needed the reassurance that it was true. “Yes sweetheart I love you just as much as I love Matthew & Sarah. I love all of you exactly the same – up to the moon, around the stars & back again”. & it’s true, I do! We’re good friends, just like I had always dreamed!
I suppose I could have left all of this unsaid. I am sure you won’t remember any of it so I could have left it out of your life story but I have chosen to tell you for quite a few reasons. Firstly, I want you to know all of this for when you have your own children. Maybe you will go through something similar, maybe you won’t, but if you do, I want you to know that its not always clear sailing & sometimes you have to work hard for what you love. Secondly, I want you to always know how important you are to me. I love you so much Milly. You put a smile on my face & I am so glad to be your mum. I am so proud of the person you are & I don’t think you will ever fully realise how much I appreciate the relationship we have now. So as I said, the verse to this song seems so appropriate. I look into your big blue eyes, give you my love & feel it returned to me. Now I feel fine, I can tell the storm has passed. It’s going to be clear sailing from now on.
{heart} Mum xoxo
This was for Challenge 1 in the last SBC Cybercrop. Based on a sketch but I didn't upload in time. I lay down with Steve and woke up at 7am the next morning! Getting old huh!!!
Journalling:
Sarah you are or 3rd child - my last baby! I am trying to enjoy every minute, and with you, that's not hard to do. Love Mum"
You can't really tell in the photo but there are little dots made with Dimensional Magic all around the outside of the layout and around the circle.
This one was done for Friday Night Games at Embellished a few weeks ago. The challenge was it had to be themed around "The Simple Things". I won it that week and got a $20 voucher which was brilliant!!!
Journalling is under the flowers and reads:
"There are 1000's of $'s worth of toys here but you got so much enjoyment out of a box - Hours of fun making it a car, a house, lots of things. Pleasure from the simplicity of a box. Sarah, 2007."
Well that's about it I think. This sure is one super-post though!
Keep smiling,
Trish
Marnie
I just realised that I never posted this, it was in my drafts folder waiting me to finish it and add some photos.
From 28th August 2007: "Funny how even though sometimes you know things are coming they still take you by complete surprise. Michael phoned me a little while ago to tell me that Marnie (my grandmother) has passed away. I don't even know what to think. Most of me is glad that she is finally with Poppa again, that her pains are gone, that she isn't just living out the days. I know that she is where she wants to be and I feel at peace with that. But part of me is so, so sad that she is actually gone. It's the end of a generation, our matriarch has gone.
She was such a massive part of our lives growing up. We spent so much time with her. Shopping trips to Super-Kmart. We'd have sleep overs and she play motels with us and we put our orders in for room service and she delivered them to our bedrooms on a tray and we'd giggle at how funny it was. There are so many memories and all of them are good. She was fun! She taught me to do crosswords and find-a-word puzzles (I never got cryptic crosswords though but she persisted in trying to teach me LOL!) She had great advice - "There's a time for everything" and even when I was about to have Matthew "well it's gotta get out somehow" LOL! Christmas Day was always spent at her and Poppa's house and were always so much fun. Then we'd head back on Boxing Day to sit under the house, the cricket would be on the TV, Poppa would be manning the bar with us kids sitting on the other side of the bar chatting and we'd be fascinated by the little lady in the bottle (or whatever it was).
I was her first grandchild and apparently I was spoilt rotten for quite some time (It was nearly 3 years before I got any cousins, then 4 of them crashed my party in the one year ;) haha!!) I used to always joke and say, "I'm your favourite, it's OK you can say it" and she'd always laugh and say "No, but I've loved you the longest" :) She thought Steve was wonderful and used to tell me all the time "you 2 have just got it you know, I can see it, you're each other's best friend, and you've just got it" I'm so glad she got to meet Matthew, Emily and Sarah. I can remember I called in to her place when I left hospital after Matthew was born and she was so excited. She kept saing to Poppa "Oh look Dick, this is our great-grandson, you know we started this" He just sat in his chair and nodded, the kind of nod that I knew he was just as tickled about it as she was!
I took Matthew around to her place one day when Matthew was only a few weeks old and I had little denim overalls on him. She told me off. She said "what's this? Little babies should be in bonnets and booties not this kind of thing, there's a time for everything and his time will come for wearing these kind of clothes, don't wish his life away." Mum was with me and tried to defend me saying that babies don't wear those type of clothes anymore and that he didn't suit them anyway. She stood by what she thought. So a week or so later, I took him around again but this time he was in a knitted bonnet, knitted booties and a knitted gown. She took one look, laughed out loudly, looked at me and said "Oh very funny, now get those ridiculous things off him"
I know she is in a better place, back where she belongs, in the arms of her "boyfriend" (yep after 50-something years of marriage she still referred to Poppa as her boyfriend..and yes they still held hands and cuddled like highschool sweathearts too).
This picture was taken on our Easter picnic in 2006 and shows the 4 generations of girls in our family:
Me (gotta love the hat hair!), Emily, Mum holding Sarah and Marnie.
And this photo was taken at Ethan's Christening in 2005:
Mum, Marnie, Me (pregnant with Sarah) and Emily.
Marnie, you were a wonderful grandmother and I am so grateful we had you in our lives for as long as we did. You provided such a wonderful example of what marriage is and always showed us how important family is. You gave lots of good advice that we all listened too and cherish dearly.
And I loved you the longest too :)
Trish {kiss kiss oowah oowah}
From 28th August 2007: "Funny how even though sometimes you know things are coming they still take you by complete surprise. Michael phoned me a little while ago to tell me that Marnie (my grandmother) has passed away. I don't even know what to think. Most of me is glad that she is finally with Poppa again, that her pains are gone, that she isn't just living out the days. I know that she is where she wants to be and I feel at peace with that. But part of me is so, so sad that she is actually gone. It's the end of a generation, our matriarch has gone.
She was such a massive part of our lives growing up. We spent so much time with her. Shopping trips to Super-Kmart. We'd have sleep overs and she play motels with us and we put our orders in for room service and she delivered them to our bedrooms on a tray and we'd giggle at how funny it was. There are so many memories and all of them are good. She was fun! She taught me to do crosswords and find-a-word puzzles (I never got cryptic crosswords though but she persisted in trying to teach me LOL!) She had great advice - "There's a time for everything" and even when I was about to have Matthew "well it's gotta get out somehow" LOL! Christmas Day was always spent at her and Poppa's house and were always so much fun. Then we'd head back on Boxing Day to sit under the house, the cricket would be on the TV, Poppa would be manning the bar with us kids sitting on the other side of the bar chatting and we'd be fascinated by the little lady in the bottle (or whatever it was).
I was her first grandchild and apparently I was spoilt rotten for quite some time (It was nearly 3 years before I got any cousins, then 4 of them crashed my party in the one year ;) haha!!) I used to always joke and say, "I'm your favourite, it's OK you can say it" and she'd always laugh and say "No, but I've loved you the longest" :) She thought Steve was wonderful and used to tell me all the time "you 2 have just got it you know, I can see it, you're each other's best friend, and you've just got it" I'm so glad she got to meet Matthew, Emily and Sarah. I can remember I called in to her place when I left hospital after Matthew was born and she was so excited. She kept saing to Poppa "Oh look Dick, this is our great-grandson, you know we started this" He just sat in his chair and nodded, the kind of nod that I knew he was just as tickled about it as she was!
I took Matthew around to her place one day when Matthew was only a few weeks old and I had little denim overalls on him. She told me off. She said "what's this? Little babies should be in bonnets and booties not this kind of thing, there's a time for everything and his time will come for wearing these kind of clothes, don't wish his life away." Mum was with me and tried to defend me saying that babies don't wear those type of clothes anymore and that he didn't suit them anyway. She stood by what she thought. So a week or so later, I took him around again but this time he was in a knitted bonnet, knitted booties and a knitted gown. She took one look, laughed out loudly, looked at me and said "Oh very funny, now get those ridiculous things off him"
I know she is in a better place, back where she belongs, in the arms of her "boyfriend" (yep after 50-something years of marriage she still referred to Poppa as her boyfriend..and yes they still held hands and cuddled like highschool sweathearts too).
This picture was taken on our Easter picnic in 2006 and shows the 4 generations of girls in our family:
Me (gotta love the hat hair!), Emily, Mum holding Sarah and Marnie.
And this photo was taken at Ethan's Christening in 2005:
Mum, Marnie, Me (pregnant with Sarah) and Emily.
Marnie, you were a wonderful grandmother and I am so grateful we had you in our lives for as long as we did. You provided such a wonderful example of what marriage is and always showed us how important family is. You gave lots of good advice that we all listened too and cherish dearly.
And I loved you the longest too :)
Trish {kiss kiss oowah oowah}
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
